At one point in my life, I was in a deep hole. I had been in a relationship for about seven months with someone I thought I loved and cared for, but the longer we were together, the further we grew apart. I don’t know if I was the cause or if the supposed friend she was trying to help was the cause. You may ask me what friend I was talking about; well, this individual had always talked to my then-girlfriend from the beginning of our relationship. She told me that he was nobody to worry about, and all she was doing was helping him out since he had different kinds of mental health issues.
When I look back, my memory shows that trusting what she said was my first mistake. I should never have believed that, but I like to give different people the benefit of the doubt as I don’t want to ever come off as someone being possessive or controlling. As a man who grew up in the Seventh-Day-Adventist church, I was instilled with a good set of morals, always be kind to others, and treat them how we would want to be treated, and that’s how I treated this. It doesn’t help that it was my first relationship, and as we all know, the first relationship is always the hardest to get over. I know plenty of people that have had the same issue, and you all do, too, I’m sure.
When it got towards the end of our time together, when my then-girlfriend finally decided to break up with me, I was devastated. You see, I wasn’t as devastated over the breakup as one may think; I was more devastated over the fact of why she broke up with me and who she went to as soon as they left me. You see, she broke up with me because she said I was controlling, too needy, and couldn’t keep a job (although I did keep a job and was never jobless. There was not a single break in employment the entire time we were together).
Yes, I may have had three different jobs during that time, but the first one I left on good terms because I wanted to start a new chapter in my working career. I went to become a cellphone sales rep. I was let go because I couldn’t make monthly sales quotas. Soon after that, I got a new job with a security agency; I kept that job for over three years and held many different positions. One could say I was very successful.
That is a story for another time, and we should probably get back to the original story. As I said, my girlfriend at the time said I wasn’t going to be able to do anything in my life and left me. For who, though? Well, remember when I said I should have been more careful about the individual she was talking to from when we began dating? Well, it was none other than him.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is not the case in all situations similar to this one, but unfortunately, the scallywag was part of my situation. It devastated me, and I had been heartbroken and recovering for almost a year before I finally met the woman that now holds my heart and has become part of my family.
It’s crazy how you can meet so many people on Tinder, but most of the time, it isn’t for anything other than a quick hook up here and there, but occasionally something magical happens, someone finds someone that they end up spending time with for the rest of their life. It’s a crazy concoction. I am proud to say I was one of the few who could feel and be a part of the exceptional cases of Tinder relationships.
I met her a few months after my breakup. I was still at the same job, cell phones sales but was about to get separated. You see, I began talking to her while I was heartbroken, and she was there to support me; although she liked me, she wanted to help me before starting a blossoming and prosperous relationship. When you think about it, you don’t wish to have baggage brought into new relationships, so the best way to be sure of this is to be a friend first before becoming a couple.
I know, in this world, they always say that you end up friend-zoned, and although that may be true, it isn’t when it’s in reversed roles (well, in my limited experience, I don’t believe it’s the same). You see, I don’t think as men we friend zone women, well not very often anyway. As a male species, we want to find the perfect other half that can always be there for us when we need it and support us. In my personal opinion, the meaning here is that all women that aren’t family and share their lives can win a place in our hearts. My now-wife was the one who was there for me as a friend and helped me get over my heartbreak. Following this, a fantastic relationship blossomed.
It was a complicated relationship at first, though. Have you heard of long-distance relationships? I’m sure you have, and I’m almost certain people told you that they never work out. I won’t entirely disagree with you because relationships like these are hard to maintain if you don’t have a good communication plan. Luckily, mine wasn’t that hard. Long-distance relationships do work as long as you have the patience, understanding, and communication needed to make it a successful experience. See, my wife and I were in a long-distance relationship right from the beginning of our dating; we even had a time differential. It was about a +12 to +13 hour time difference, depending on if it was daylight savings or not.
My wife, Micah, lived in the Philippines at the time. It was a chanced meeting that we swiped right on each other. When we first met, she worked as a J1 student in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. We never got a chance to meet face-to-face until a whole year later, April 2017. Our entire relationship was maintained by utilizing Facebook, Messenger, and Skype. There was an occasional international call, which usually was only for times where communication wasn’t being shared quickly because of no data or internet availability. Overall though, it was a great experience.
You see, you can learn things about yourself in a long-distance relationship. You can know how patient you can be; you learn how to communicate when things are bothering you, relationship-wise or in your personal life. You learn how to be there for each other, even if you can’t be there in person. So many things. Relationships over expanded distances will always make you a better person and develop yourself. As of writing this essay, I can happily say my wife Micah and I have been together for almost six years and married for nearly five of those beautiful years.
God had a plan for us; he wanted us to be together. It shows just how he works in mysterious and profound ways. I couldn’t be happier with the woman I am sharing this wondrous life with. She’s hard-working, conservative, and progressive and cares deeply for me, as I do for her too. We understand each other on so many levels, and we honestly never really fight, at least not in the sense of what one may think about marital fights. We occasionally disagree, but we have rarely ever gone full-blown yelling.
Honestly, when I look back on the one or two times that I’ve blown my gasket, I can’t even remember why. Situations like that show me that whatever the issue was, it was petty and wasn’t worth losing my head over. I’m thankful to God and my wife that we met six years ago. I wouldn’t want to make any different choices about our relationship, and I continue to be thankful and pray for every new day we get to spend together.